E nglish humour

Charlie Chaplin, Peter Sellers, Benny Hill, John Cleese and Rowan Atkinson as Mr. Bean are examples of famous international comedians and all of them are British.

Humour and laughter are very important to the British. A traditional image of British person for many foreigners is a conventional and reserved person, who doesn’t usually show any emotion. However they use humour to solve problems. And the British use humour and irony in situations which might seem very strange for other cultures.

Professors giving serious lectures at the University often start off with a joke to get people relaxed and interested. Business people mix humour and statistics when making important presentations. Even priests tell jokes in church.

English humour often difficult for foreigners to understand. Jokes are related to culture. They often refer to people and places that are only familiar to British themselves. Another thing that makes a verbal humour difficult for foreigners is a play of words. Jokes often depend on words that sound the same but have different meaning. And there are a lot of them in English.

Funny stories and jokes Math, Physics, & Philosophy

Dean, to the physics department, “Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn’t you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper.”

Sherlock Holmes and Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip and pitched a tent. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Holmes questioned. Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?” Holmes was silent for a minute, and then spoke. “Watson, you retard. It tells me that some bastard has stolen our tent!” 

Genie in the Lamp

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled upon an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said “OK. You released me from the lamp. This is the 4th time this month and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish! The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I’m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?” The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete, how much steel!! No, think of another wish!” The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women . . . know what they're thinking about . . . know why they're crying, know what they really want . . . know how to make them truly happy . . .” The genie said, “You want that bridge with two lanes or four?”