книги / Striving For Happiness. I Am a Part of All that I Have Met

Different Tastes

When Hollywood actress Tatum O’Neal and tennis "superbrat" John McEnroe first teamed up, friends on both sides were surprised. The immediate reaction from everyone was, in McEnroe's famous phrase, "You can't be serious".

Today they are happily married with three children, despite their many differences. She hates New York in winter. He likes it. She’s keen on antiques, he prefers modem furni­ ture. While he adores steak and lobster, she'd rather have chicken and fish.

Even their personalities are different. He is a bit of a hermit and enjoys staying at home, whereas she is fond of going out at night. He can’t stand any invasion of his privacy, she quite enjoys the attention of the press. He is dependent on her and sometimes lacking in self-confidence, and she is self-sufficient and confident.

But their differences end there. Like McEnroe, Tatum is also famous for her temper tantrums. Says Tatum: "John and I have some beautiful fights. He gets angry and says: "You know who you are? The female John McEnroe. And you’ve got all his worst qualities!"

to team up - to join together

a hermit - someone who likes to live completely alone temper tantrums - sudden attacks of childish anger

Different But Together

Mr. and Mrs. Child just don't think alike. "It's too hot in here," he says.

"No, it's too cold," she answers.

"We are going to the country tomorrow," Mrs. Child says.

"No, we are not. We are staying in the city," Mr. Child answers.

The house is too small for her. It's too big for him. She wants to spend the holiday in Spain. He wants to spend money on a new car. She wants to have a garden., He says a garden is too much work.

She wants to get to places early. He is always late. He loses everything. She finds it. She begins to read the newspaper when he finishes it. He opens the window when she

goes to bed. She closes the window when she gets up.

She says: "Oh, dear! This dress is too expensive. I can't buy it." He answers: "No, it doesn’t. I’ll give it to you for your birthday."

"Oh, I'm old and not pretty any more," she cries. "No, you look as young and pretty as ever to me." "John," she smiles, "you really like me, don't you?" "No," he laughs, "I love you."

Answer thefollowing questions.

1. Which of the following, do you think, are important aspects in a friendship or a steady relationship?

To have similar:

-tastes in music;

-tastes in food;

-habits and routines;

-hobbies and interests;

-opinions;

-backgrounds.

2.What are the chances of people with different tastes and personalities staying

together?

3. Do you know of any other unusual couples?

RENDERING

Render the texts into English.

Свадьба, которая не состоялась

Двенадцать тысяч молодых людей приняли участие в конкурсе, устроенном одной из английских фирм. Фирма была полна решимости найти «идеальную пару Великобритании». Все, кто принимали участие в конкурсе, должны были заполнить специальные бланки с вопросами о возрасте, цвете волос, глаз и т.д. Выбрать девушку и молодого человека для «идеальной пары» должна была «электронная сваха» - компьютер.

Фирма обещала оплатить их поездку в Париж, знакомство с достопримечатель­ ностями, посещение театров.

Наконец наступил день, когда результаты выбора компьютера стали известны: «идеальной парой» стали 19-летняя секретарша Анна и владелец небольшого магази­ на Дерек. Молодые люди встретились, после чего Анна сказала, что Дерек ни в чем не походит на человека, за которого она хотела бы выйти замуж. Дерек же сказал, что Анна очень милая девушка, но... надо узнать её ближе. Молодые люди поехали в Париж. Вернувшись же в Лондон, они распрощались с тем, чтобы вообще больше никогда не встретиться. «Вообще Дерек - хороший парень, но он не для меня», - ска­ зала девушка, а молодой человек добавил: «Анна хорошая и славная, но я никогда не смог бы полюбить её».

Итак, компьютер ошибся. Теоретически всё было правильно, не хватало только любви.

PSYCHOLOGISTS SAY...

Мы с тобой два полюса

По законам физики разнополярные заряды притягиваются, а однополярные - от­ талкиваются. Но работает ли это в отношении людей? С кем легче ужиться - со своей точной копией или же с полной противоположностью? С кем получится построить надежный союз?

Когда двое людей соединяются в пару, это чем-то напоминает химический экс­ перимент: никогда точно не известно, какой будет реакция и что получится в итоге. Кому-то удается создать крепкую семью, а кому-то нет. Почему так происходит и можно ли просчитать результат заранее?

Очевидно, что браки, где муж и жена одинаковы на сто процентов, имеют как свои плюсы, так и минусы.

Брак с «однополюсным партнёром» обычно создаёт эмоциональную, душевную и физическую близость.

«Однополюсный брак» делает отношения прозрачными: поведение супруга вам понятно до мелочей, вы с лёгкостью можете спрогнозировать его реакцию. Но данное обстоятельство имеет и оборотную сторону: ваш партнёр тоже прекрасно знает вас и может вами манипулировать.

Одинаковость плоха ещё и тем, что партнёры совершенно предсказуемы. В на­ чале совместной жизни это радует, а со временем такое однообразие может наскучить.

«Однополярные супруги» скорее идут на адюльтер, чтоб развеяться, нежели на развод.

Вбраках, основанных на схожести, наиболее счастлив тот, кто упрямее и эгои­ стичнее. Например, нелюбимую работу по дому приходится брать на себя тому, кто слабее духом.

Втаких браках легче решаются финансовые вопросы, проблемы, связанные

своспитанием детей, вопросы проведения досуга.

Но, как утверждают психологи, иногда полное совпадение партнёров на всех уровнях приводит к тому, что они просто не выносят друг друга. Образно выражаясь, рядом с партнёром им становится «много себя».

Большинство пар, состоящих из непохожих половин, прежде чем достигнут ста­ бильности, проходят длительную и трудную адаптационную стадию. Но зато потом долгие годы бывают интересны друг другу как в первый день знакомства. Однако им не хватает обоюдного душевного проникновения, и если это не подкрепляется благо­ получием в прочих сферах взаимодействия, то это может привести к разрыву и не по­ зволяет контролировать ситуацию в семье. Вообще, в таких парах нередко отлично работает закон взаимодополнения: супружеские роли и обязанности распределяются таким образом, что каждый делает то, что ему нравится.

Психологи утверждают, что супруги-антиподы время от времени чувствуют се­ бя одинокими в браке, и если такое происходит часто, то они разводятся.

Так какого же партнёра предпочтительнее выбирать в супруги? Если вы выби­ раете друзей, разделяющих ваши взгляды, привычки и интересы, то и мужа вам сле­ дует выбирать по принципу идентичности. Если же вас тянет в компанию людей, чьи представления и образ жизни кардинально отличаются от ваших, то супруга надо ис­ кать по принципу «от противного».

Комментарий специалиста

Олег Смирнов, врач-психиатр

Если люди решили жить вместе, для этого должна быть сильная мотивация. Это или любовь, или какие-то материальные аспекты.

Если такой мотив присутствует, то люди так или иначе смогут приспособиться друг к другу. Адаптационный период индивидуален. Обычно полтора месяца уходит только на то, чтобы просто познакомиться с особенностями совместного проживания с партнером. А вот собственно адаптационный период может продолжаться до пяти лет. Длительный союз возможен, если обе стороны идут навстречу друг другу. И, ко­ нечно, многое зависит от терпимости обоих.

A FABLE COLUMN

Read thefables and agree or disagree on the morals.

The Lion In Love

It happened in days of old that a lion fell in love with the beautiful daughter of a woodman, and one day he came to ask for the maiden's hand in marriage. It was only natural that the woodman was not greatly pleased with the lion's offer, and he declined the honour of so dangerous an alliance.

Then the lion threatened the parents of the maiden with his royal displeasure. The poor father did not know what to do. Finally he said, "We are greatly flattered by your proposal. But, you see, our daughter is a tender child, and her mother and I fear that in expressing your affection for her you may do her an injury. Would your majesty consent to have your claws removed and your teeth extracted before becoming a bridegroom?"

So deeply was the lion in love that he permitted the operation to take place. But when he came again to the woodman's home to claim the maiden for his bride, the father, no longer afraid of the tamed and disarmed king of beasts, seized a stout club and drove the unhappy suitor from his door.

MORAL: Even the wildest can be tamed by love.

The Man And His Two Wives

Back in the days when a man was allowed more wives than one, a middle-aged bachelor whose hair was only just beginning to turn grey fell in love with two women at one time, and married both of them.

One was young and blooming, and wished her husband to appear as youthful as herself. So every night she would comb his hair, and as she did so she would pull out all the grey hairs.

The other wife, who was older, saw her husband growing grey with pleasure, for she did not like to be mistaken for his mother. So each morning when she brushed his hah* she would industriously pluck out every black hair she could find.

For a time the man enjoyed the attention and devotion of his wives, until one morning when he looked into the mirror and found that he was completely bald.

MORAL: Yield to the caprices o f all andyou soon will have nothing to yield at all.

DISCUSSION

Comment on thefollowing proverbs and quotations concerning love and marriage.

A deaf husband and a blind wife are always a happy couple.

A fence between makes love more keen.

A good Jack makes a good Jill.

A man has a choice to begin love, but not to end it.

A rich bride goes young to the church.

All’s fair in love and war.

Follow love and it will flee, flee love and it will follow thee.

Love begins at home.

Love is never without jealousy.

Love's plant must be watered with tears and tended with care.

Marriage is a lottery.

One always returns to one's first love.

She that is bom a beauty is half married.

She who loves an ugly man thinks him handsome.

There is more pleasure in loving than in being loved.

Where we do not respect we soon cease to love.

Let no one who loves be called altogether unhappy. Even love unretumed has its rainbow. (Sir James Matthew Barrie)

Diogenes being asked whether it was better to marry or not, replied: "Whichever you do, you will repent it."

Love is just as measles; we all have to go through it. (Jerome K. Jerome)

Man for the field and woman for the hearth; Man for the sword and for the needle she; Man with the head and woman with the heart; Man to command and woman to obey;

All else confusion.

(Lord Tennyson)

Home is the girl’s prison and the woman’s work-house. (G.B. Shaw)

Marriage is like life in this - that it is a field of battle, and not a bed of roses. (R.L. Stevenson)

Marriage is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness of sins. (Langdon Mitchell)

Love - yes, but not marriage. Love cannot exist in marriage, because love is an ideal - that is to say, something not quite understood - transparencies, colour, light, a sense of the unreal. (George Moore)

Being a husband (wife) is a full-time job. (E. A. Bennett)

Marry first, and love will come afterwards. (Pour Robin's Almanac)

Choose one of the topics you like best and speak on it giving your reasons and exam­ plesfrom life and literature.

1.What is a happy marriage? What are its secrets?

2.A compatible couple. What is it? Is it necessary to test your partner? If yes, then

how?

3.You are 35 and not married. Would you like to join a dating agency? What's your attitude to it?

4.Is it necessary to marry? Why?

5.What do you think is the best age for a person to get married?

6.How do people meet? What do you think of matchmakers?

7.Do you think it's reasonable for young people to live together for some time before getting married? What are pluses and minuses of it?

8.First love. You fell in love with a boy (a girl) at school. Then you parted and married somebody else. Later you met your first love. You feel you still love that person. What will you do and why?

9.You've been happily married for 20 years and meet another man (woman) and fall

in love. What will you do?

10.Is love enough to sustain a marriage?

11.Can you justify the saying "Love for pleasure, marriage for convenience"?

HUMOUR

Every Medal Has Its Reverse

"How is your daughter doing in America?"

"Grand! She married a nice American boy. He helps her with the cleaning, washes the dishes, looks after the baby when she wants to go out - in fact, he does everything for her."

"And how is your son doing?"

"Poor boy! He married a slut (неряха) of an American girl. He must help her with the cleaning, wash the dishes, look after the baby when she goes out; in fact he has to do everything for her."

a brother-in-law - зять (муж сестры), шурин (брат жены), деверь (брат мужа), свояк (свояки - мужья сестер)

a sister-in-law - невестка (жена брата), золовка (сестра мужа), свояченица (сестра жены или жены братьев)

IV. A stepfather - отчим a stepmother - мачеха a stepson - пасынок

a stepdaughter - падчерица

a stepbrother (half-brother) - сводный брат a stepsister (half-sister) - сводная сестра

V.A foster-father - приёмный отец a foster-mother - приёмная мать a foster-son - приёмный сын

a foster-daughter - приёмная дочь a foster-brother - молочный брат a foster-sister - молочная сестра

an illegitimate (natural) child —незаконнорождённый ребенок

to adopt a child —усыновить (удочерить) ребёнка an adopted child - усыновлённый ребёнок adoptive parents - родители, усыновившие ребенка

VI. A godfather - крёстный отец a godmother - крестная мать a godson - крестник

a goddaughter - крестница

VII. То hug - обнимать

to embrace (formal) - обнимать to caress - ласкать

to stroke - гладить to cherish —лелеять

to pat smb. on the shoulder - похлопать кого-либо по плечу to punish - наказывать

to slap - отшлёпать

to encourage - поддерживать, одобрять

PRACTICE

Read through the questionnaire and answer the questions.

1.Where are you from?

2.Where were your parents from?

3.Where have you spent most of your life?

4.Are you in close contact with your immediate family (parents/sisters/brothers children)?

5.Is your family the most important thing in your life?

6.How important to you is your extended family (aunts/uncles/cousins, etc.)?

7.Is your family very scattered, or do they mostly live close together?

8.How many of your relations do you know personally?

9.Do you think big families or small families are better?

10.Do you think it is a good thing for parents to live with their married children?

11.Who do you get on best with?

-people you are related to

-people you went to school/college with

-people you work with

12.What places do you feel most at home in?

-the place you were bom in

-the place you grew up in

-the place you live in now

-other places

13.Do you consider yourself

-rootless

-well-rooted

-something between the two?

Read the text and pay attention to the words and expressions connected with the topic "Family". Answer the questions.

The Family Is One Of The Nature's Masterpieces

A vocabulary defines a family as "people who are closely related." Psychologists usually refer to a family consisting of mother, father and their children, who are either twins or siblings, as a nuclear family. Some of them are one-parent or single parent families. They usually call all the family including aunts, uncles, nephews, cousins, nieces, grandparents, daughtersand sons-in law as an extended family.

To my mind there is no exact definition, what a family is. It is definitely a fabulous phenomenon, cemented by blood, which is thicker than water. It is really a masterpiece and as every genius creation of humanity it is immortal. Its roots date back to prehistoric times, and it has made a long way from polygamy to monogamy. Like a real masterpiece it constantly changes preserving its essence. Prehistoric mothers used to be as caring, over-protective and ambitious about their adorable offsprings, as all today's mothers are.

Most of families start with marriages, which are said to be made in heaven. Ancient philosopher Diogenes said: "Marriage is the greatest earthly happiness when founded on complete sympathy." Like every masterpiece this highly personal matter is strictly controlled and supported by law. Young people nowadays are to understand that it is not enough to promise to love and cherish each other, it is important to realise that they have taken a big step both legally and financially by deciding to get married. They start sharing common property and if they decide to split up they will both have to start a divorce proceeding. If they have children and decide to separate they will have to agree who gets the custody over their children and set the proposed arrangements for children to meet both parents. In fact, it is such a fragile social organization that a slight error can cause unpre­ dictable consequences. Crime statistics shows that 70 % of the murderers, maniacs, muggers and misfits are products of the broken families.

As it often happens to a masterpiece too much perfection can spoil it Sometimes the parents believe that their critical comments would encourage their children to greater efforts. Sadly they have exactly the opposite effect. After a number of criticisms the child looses not only his interest in creating, but a great deal of his confidence. So being an ideal parent is a very delicate task demanding tact, patience and diligence. A wise parent remem­ bers that it is all too easy to be destructive while attempting to be constructive. Of course,

parents must point out mistakes for progress to be made. Yet acid comments designed to improve performance can unintentionally increase anxiety and undermine achievement.

But it would be a mistake to think that a happy family doesn't face any problems. However, clever and understanding parents are always ready to experiment and find the way out. For example, the teenagers are very radical in their opinions. Anything less than fulsome praise is likely to provoke hostility and alienation. A clever parent will show how excited he is by his child's originality and search for ways to take it further.

The fantastic thing about family ties is that it always stirs the best feelings in people. Everybody craves for a happy family dinner for Christmas. Crestfallen orphans dream about generous loving mothers. Prodigal sons return to support their helpless parents, bound to bed. Most flirtatious wives turn out to be the best nurses, when their husbands get seriously ill. For example, Pierce Brosnan, who plays passionate womanizers in most of his films turned out to be a most loving and daring husband giving all possible care and comfort to his wife Cassy Harris, ill with cancer and his three children.

To finish with, I'd like to say that there are times in our lives, when everything seems to be going badly. We all have problems we can't cope with. We feel depressed and dispirited and suffer from acute anxiety and despair. We moan and groan and think we are losers and failures. A fatherly manly hug or a mother's loving embrace can really restore you from the ashes. Then I hear my Mom's favourite words: "You are a fallible human being" and understand that even if the whole world turns its cold shoulder on me, there'll still be a family to turn to for love, compassion and understanding. And as every great masterpiece the family will remain in your soul forever.

Answer the question.

Why does the author think that a family is one of the nature's masterpieces?

Read the text and compare your point o f view with the author's.

Nuclear Family. Extended Family

In the Far, Middle and Near East and in parts of Africa, South America and Europe, the first thing most Western people notice is the respect everyone has for the old. Older men and women live with their married children and are important members of the family. They look after the children, help with the cooking, give advice and often rule family life. Living in an extended family has advantages for everyone. A small child, for example, knows many people from the very beginning, not just his mother and father. When his mother goes out, it doesn't matter. He'll stay with someone who loves him - an aunt or sister or grandmother.

For a young mother and father there are also advantages. They can go out to work and grandmother will look after the house and the children.

This is especially important in farming communities, where both men and women work in the fields.

And the older woman, for example, has something important to do. She sees her children and grandchildren grow up. She is needed and loved.

The nuclear family is the product of the West. The typical family consists of mother,

As for the old, too many older people live alone - in special flats or homes. They hardly ever see their children and grandchildren. They have nothing important to do. They are often poor and lonely. In the winter many old people die of cold or from falls in the house —because there is no one to look after them. Nobody cares.